Curve Ball

Funny how life throws us curves.  Not “ha-ha” funny but “that’s kind of weird how that happened” funny.   I guess the very nature of a curve ball is that it is unpredictable.   It upsets the balance, throws off the equilibrium and changes the course of things. For the last 9 months I’ve felt as if I have been trying to right myself from the effects of such a curve ball.   

Sometimes when we are lost we hold on to the familiar because it is what we know.  It is a comfortable touchstone that helps us find our way.  The familiar is easy when we don’t have mental energy or insight to know how to do anything else, a default setting for our brain.  My brain has been set to default since January, when my dad died unexpectedly.  The grief that came with his death has changed me in a way I never could have predicted. I continue with what I know; training and racing and travel and bikes and training and racing and more training.

It is a rough place to be in, when what sustains you is no longer fulfilling. That is where I find myself now, at the end of the 2014 race season, unfulfilled by racing and uncertain of what to do about it.  This has been a less than stellar year for me in many ways.  I guess if you race long enough there will be bad years.  The good thing is a bad year can help one prioritize and re-set.  Next year I will mix things up, try some different types of events.  I look forward to new adventures, new experiences, and a fresh start in 2015.  For now there are still a few months left in 2014, and I will do my best to make the most of them.